A Found Study on the Sociology of South Central Alaska

[Anchorage Biking to Work Remix]

Gun control means using both hands. Uncle Sam wants you to speak English. Keep honking, I'm reloading. PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals. If god didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat. I respect your opinion, I just don't want to hear it. If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you can read it in English, thank a vet. Cat, the other white meat. If my smoking bothers you . . . Don't breathe!
Support cannibalism, eat me! Save a cow, eat a vegetarian. Skinny Dick's Half Way Inn. Liquor in the front, poker in the rear. Sex is like pizza. When it's good, it's very good. And when it's bad, it's still pretty good. Mean people suck, nice people swallow. Nobody is ugly after 2 a.m. I'm only driving like this to piss you off. Don't steal, the government hates competition. 8 out of 10 voices in my head say, “Don't shoot!” I'm out of estrogen and I've got a gun. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. Yes, this is my truck. No, I won't help you move. Sometimes you just gotta say, “What the fuck?” My life is based on a true story.

From “Liner Notes.” I like getting around on a bicycle and when I was in graduate school in Anchorage, Alaska I had a 5-mile commute to the university where I studied and ran the university website for my day job. This poem is word-for-word made from bumper stickers I would see along my commute.